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Clarinetist Baffled At Suggestion That He Is “Not The Melody”

AUSTIN, TX Left staggered and dumbfounded by multiple suggestions that his passages would sound better played at a lower volume, local conservatory clarinet player Blake Morey told reporters that despite an “otherwise fantastic rehearsal” of Samuel Barber’s Summer Music with a student woodwind quintet, he remained confused and somewhat hurt. Citing his “fantastic reed day” and a “really great” […]

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A Brief Defense of the Symphony Orchestra

WHEN A COMPOSER SITS DOWN TO WRITE, he is tasked with the documentation of his own experience. The composer draws upon his life, made up of contributions from other people: their own experiences, their emotions, their creations. The furniture in his life, the clothes he wears, the buildings he lives in–all are products of the application of […]

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Should Carnegie Hall Take Lessons From Cowboys Stadium?

IN 2009, The NFL’s Dallas Cowboys played their first game in Cowboys Stadium, a venue with an exorbitant price-tag of $1.15 billion dollars. Concerned with lagging ticket sales–the Cowboys, despite their enormous popularity, ranked an average of 25th out of 32 teams in ticket attendance from 2005-2008–Jerry Jones knew he needed a radical shakeup to […]

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Being a Classical Musician in the Era of Clickbait

WHAT HAS FASCINATED ME about the era that we find ourselves in today is the reign of click-bait. There are entire industries and well paid careers built upon figuring out how to get people to fucking look at a company for two seconds. Jeff Hammerbacher, an early Facebook engineer, marvels that the greatest minds of this […]

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Procrastination, Classical Music, and the NBA

“Whenever an art form loses its fire, when it gets weakened by intellectual inbreeding and first principles fade into stale tradition, a radical fringe eventually appears to blow it up and rebuild from the rubble. Beat poets in the ’50s, and rock musicians in the ’60s: they were poor and ignored and free from all expectations […]

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